


As You Are

by LoghstWayBeyondLife



Series: Thasmin Fics [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 22:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18455447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoghstWayBeyondLife/pseuds/LoghstWayBeyondLife
Summary: Yasmin Khan Has Suffered From Depression And Anxiety  For Years , Since Izzy Flint Turned The Class Against Her In Year 10, Due To Izzy Learning Of Yasmin's Sexuality.After A Particularity Tough Adventure it is suggest that they spend a week at home but when Yaz doesn't return any of her calls The Doctor Gets Worried and Goes To Her Flat.orIn which The Doctor Witnesses Yaz On One Of Her Worse Days and Learns of Her Depression and its cause.





	1. Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> TW - There is mentions of self harm !! please don't read if you may get triggered.   
>  The Doctor is Referenced too as Thirteen throughout most of this Fic!  
> Title and the entire Fanfic came from inspiration from Daughtry's 'As You Are'   
> not proof read,   
> any Kudos and Comments are appreciated.

It Had been days since The Doctor had seen or even heard from Yasmin Khan. After a Particularity tough adventure a week at home with families was suggested so the group could recuperate. The Boys Had checked in with the Doc everyday ( By Choice ) and even took her out for lunch but non of them had heard anything from the fourth member of their little 'fam'. It was uncharacteristic for Yaz not to return texts or calls to any of them - especially since it had been 4 days since they landed and she normally makes a point to check in after every work shift. 

Thirteen was nervous. She didn't want to bother her friend or intrude on her time with family but she had to admit she was worried. Really worried. Letting out a breathe she didn't know she was holding in she raised a shaking hand to knock on the door. The seconds seem to drag on painfully as anxiety filled her stomach, the thought of Yasmin being mad at her for intruding plagued her mind. Finally the door clicked open revealing the Face of her friends Mum : Najia Khan . 

"He-" She Took A Deep breath to compose herself. "Hello Mrs Khan, I am so sorry to intrude. I Was just wandering If Yasmin Was Home. She hasn't been returning my calls." Thirteen tried to sound as polite as possible and tried to keep her voice steady. She failed at the latter as some of her words shook. Najia Offered The Blonde a small smile at her Politeness and Worry Over her daughter."Yasmin Is A Litter....Under The Weather" Yasmin's mum took a break in her words finding a phrase she knew her daughters strange friend would understand. The Doctor Nodded Thanking Najia before turning to leave but was stopped by Najia's offer. 

"Would You Like To Come In Doctor? " The Blonde Smiled At Her Friends Mum. Najia could see how worried she was for Yaz from the simple fact her energy seemed to be nonexistent unlike every other time Yasmin had fetched her round to the house. "That Would be nice" she replied before being lead into the house, taking her shoes and coat off at the door and then carried on through to the kitchen. "Make Yourself at home Doctor, i'll just go check on Yasmin. " The kindness and hospitality of her friends family was unbelievable even if The Doctor has been around countless times. 

"Yasmin...Yasmin Answer Me Please." Najia's Voice came out as a desperate plea as she knock on her daughters locked door. "What!" A Broken voice spat out. Najia Knew what was happening of course, this had been happened very often for the last 5 years ever since the bullying started. Najia blames herself for her daughters state because even though Yasmin was stubborn and refused to move schools Najia should has put her foot down and moved her anyways. 

Yaz Has suffered from depressive episodes and sometimes these get quite violent either towards herself or others. It is horrifying for a parent to watch their child suffer and not accept their help. Thankfully when Yaz entered year 11 she got medication to help her and her episodes went from daily , to weekly to monthly. She was getting better but it was taking longer then Yasmin wanted and she'd often get impatient with herself. It had been 6 months since her Last so it was bound to happen soon or later. 

"You Have A Visitor, also dinners ready" Since Yasmin had come home with the bread on Monday she hadn't left her room, at least not when anyone of them were home and she took the week of work. It was now Thursday. Najia was worried, she knew her daughter had barely eaten anything . "I'm Not Hungry" The Voice was an angry broken sob. Her motherly instincts told her it was a particularly bad episode and this worried Najia because she was afraid her daughter would hurt herself but with the door locked there was nothing she could do. with a heavy sigh she left. 

"No Yasmin Then?" The Doctor's voice was sad and Najia sadly shook her head " Sorry Love" And The Doctor Stood to leave. "You Are More Then Welcome To Stick Around, You Are Family At This Point" It Was Hakim Who Spoke Up This Time " I don't want to intrude" and Najia protested insisting she stayed to which the Doctor Nodded. The Khan Parents didn't like seeing the Doctor So down, it was unusual compared to the erratic ball of energy they are normally met with. 

\-----

It had been a few hours since the Doctor had arrived and Yasmin still didn't leave her room. On several occasions Najia caught the Doctor sadly staring down the corridor where her eldest daughters room was and it filled her heart with sorrow, it was increasingly obvious the Doctors true feeling towards her daughter weren't platonic but now wasn't the time to talk about it. 

Sonja had since returned home but there was no snide 'Yaz your girlfriends here' comment but she did glance sadly at the Doctor clearly feeling sorrow for her.Thirteen could sense he tension in the Khan's flat and raised a brow as Sonja muttered about going to her room but not before laying a hand on her sister door and muttering through it. 

"You Know, Maybe You Could Get Through To Her, Doctor? Seeing as you are a very good friend of hers" Najia gave her a small smile, "Maybe take her some tea?" The Doctor smiled back. "Yeah Maybe, Yasmin really love a cuppa tea" The Blonde Thanked them for their hospitality and stood from where she was sat on the sofa , going into the kitchen and boiling the kettle. 

With a mug of tea in one hand she knocked on her friends door with the other. "Yasmin...It's me..Can I Come in" There was a broken curse and a lot of shuffling from with in room and a few minutes pass before the door is unlocked. Yaz doesn't open the door but thirteen takes it as a 'yes she can come in' . She pushed the door open a gasp leaving her at the sight. Before her was Yasmin Khan, Her eyes sunken with lack of sleep and red and puffy which clearly showed she had been crying, she hair was also in a mattered bun showing she hadn't brushed it for a while. 

"Oh Yasmin! is everything okay?" Thirteen closed the door behind her, her usual joyful face fell with worry as she rushed to her dark haired friend who sat anxiously on her bed , placing her tea on the bedside cabinet. There was no reply , not even a sound until the doctor placed a gentle hand on her back, this caused Yaz to flinch and the elder blonder to pull away quickly. Yasmin's face twisted from emptiness to guilt as she knew she made her friend worry. 

"I...i'm f-fine" her vice betrayed her as she spoke, tears welling in the corner of chocolate eyes. This caused Thirteen's worry to deepen. "Hey...It's okay ya know. you don't have to lie to me" Her voice was low and calm. Yasmin lifted her arm to wipe at the tears on her cheeks, a small muffled hiss left the Younger's lips as warm tears met fresh wounds. Then The Doctors Face fell in realization."Hey, Yaz. I'm going to have a good at your wrist okay" her voice held no judgement but the latter girl shook her head rapidly wincing as she help her arm to her chest , the sudden movement causing her long sleeve to make contact with the cuts, blood latching onto her sleeve. 

The Doctor slowly reached forward gently pulling her injured arm towards her. She pulled the blood stained material back rolling it up her arm , Yasmin was shaking, trembling even , afraid of what her friend will say. she will judge her and call her weak. Yet when Yasmin made eye contact there was no signs of her assumptions , just a pair of caring eyes carefully examining several fairly deep slices in the left wrist of her young friend. there was no judgement and no negativity. "i'm just going to get something to clear these up, okay" it was not a question as the Doctor quickly left her bedroom, closing the door behind her, to retrieve a wet cloth. 

she didn't deserve any of this. Even Sonja came and asked if she was okay and wanted any company earlier. Yasmin couldn't bring herself to answer hating her self for affecting Sonja with her problems and afraid of her family seeing her life this. It wasn't long before the Doctor returned with a wet cloth and some bandages in her hand. "This Might Hurt, I'm sorry" the older woman applied a little pressure to her wrist wiping away fresh and drying blood, Yasmin wanted to recoil her arm back but the gentle grip on her was strong then it seemed. 

"i know it hurt but Yasmin , if we don't clean them they will get infected" the look in her hazel eyes was serious. Yaz winced at how calm and caring her friends vice was. Why did she deserve this kindness when she did nothing but ruined everything, should could even spend a nice week with her parents without messing it up. She didn't deserve the Doctor , she wasn't worth any of this. Of course she knew it was the depression talking but it didn't make it feel any less true. 

Once the lacerations were cleaned and covered Thirteen helped Yasmin out of her stained top and grabbed her a clean long sleeved one, a jumper with a star in the center, "why..." Yasmin begun , not having said anything during The blondes time in the room. "Are you helping me" her voice still shook as she finished her sentence, it was clear she was anxious. Thirteen Gave her a grin. " Because Yasmin , Beautiful, Wonderful, Brilliant Yasmin Khan, we are friends. Best friends. This is what we do, Help each other . No matter what" The blonde handed some tissues over to her friend to wipe the tears from her eyes. 

At this Yaz collapsed into Thirteen, who knelt before her on the floor. The Doctor pulled her close which ended with them both on the floor Yaz sat on the Blondes lap. 

"Now, i know you have not eaten in a few days, so how about we go into the kitchen, make our selves some dinner and make you another tea too?" Thirteen chuckled glancing at the tea which was now cold on the young Khans bedside table. A smile ghosted on Yasmin's lips. 'I do deserve her, this, all of it. I Shouldn't Have To Face My Demons Alone, Not When People Want To Help' she told herself going with the light in her heart and against the darkness that plagued her mind. The darker toned of the two nodded. "Want me to fix you hair"Thirteen offered " We Can Talk About Th Rest Later"


	2. Stronger Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasmin and Thirteen Chat about What Caused Yaz's Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still Be Mentions of Self Harm!! TW
> 
> takes place directly after the last

20 minutes later both girls emerged from the bedroom. Yasmin was now out of her Pj bottoms and in a a pair of black jeans, her natural curls brushed out and tamed, hand in the Doctors. Najia was the first to see them a grin plastered in her face. Her daughter was still very clearly sleep deprived but she was out of her room which was a start. The whole atmosphere in the room changed, the tension lifting to reveal a thick layer of relief. "Yaz! how are you!" her mother smiled knowing not to overly fuss her daughter yet. Her eyes fell on the Doctor "Thank you" was silently shared and Thirteen grinned. "Hungry" Yaz Chuckled. Her Voice was still quite broken. 

Before Yasmin and Thirteen could start on making their meal Yaz excused herself momentarily with a smile. Her sister deserved an apology. She walked down the hall and gently knocked on the door. "Go away Mum" was heard just about over the music " I'm not turning it down" Yasmin had to let out a chuckle at her sisters response. "Oi Jobless Let me in" Yasmin Called out and Instantly the music was off and it sounded like someone was running to the door. "YAZ OMG" The door sung open and the elder Khan sister was tackled into a hug. 

Yasmin hid a wince behind her smile as her arm was knocked. As quickly as the interaction happened it ended. Sonja glaring at Yaz " Tell anyone I was worried about you and I'll Tease your girlfriend" She threatened. "Gee thanks great to see you too" Yasmin smiled a little. "just came to say sorry about ignoring you earlier" she shrugged at her younger sister giving her a quick hug and thanking her for caring before she left back to the kitchen. 

Later That Night , After They Had Cooked a simple meal together and Najia insisted on the Doctor staying the night, Yasmin lay curled into the older woman's chest. " I'm Sorry' Yaz muttered look up at the blonde with sad eyes, her brows furrowed in curiosity. "What ever for?" her voice was calm but a little confused. "What You Saw Earlier" Yasmin had to admit, she hit a low point, a very low point , one she hadn't hit in almost a year. "Never say sorry for what you can't control" the blonde offered her a smile. 

she had ditched her usual long sleeves for a vest top and some orange plaid bottoms, self conscious of her old scar on show but trusting the doctor enough to show her this side of her life. While the doctor was dressed in similar clothing , a pair of Yaz's Pjs only hers were purple bottoms . Slowly and calmly the blonde traced her fingers over the cool toned skin , studying every scar on the younger's skin not once looking accusingly or in any bad way. Yasmin let out a breath she didn't know she was holding , curling further into the warmth of the Doctor. 

"I've struggled with it for years"she signed , chocolate eyes meeting hazel ones. "The depression I mean. I used to do ' it ' daily" she glanced at her wrapped wrist voice trembling. "scared my parents to death when they found out, that was about 5 months in. after they found out they fought with therapists and doctors to get me to help i needed. " she smiled a little at how much her family cared but her voice began to violently shake, calming herself by reminding herself that not matter how bad things got the Doctor would never leaver her. 

"It started in year 10, you remember when I mentioned Izzy Flint to Willa? " The blonde nodded listening closely and pulled her friend closer. "We were friends since year 7, but then she found out I was into girls, I trusted her with my biggest secret and she told the whole year group " She looked at the Doctor for a reaction but there wasn't one " She said I tried to kiss her and make a move on her , which i didn't, it ended my friendship with her and started the worst year of my life" tears began to fall and The Doctor wiped them planting a kiss on the top of her head as she continued. 

\------ 

"So erm, yeah that's why I suggested a week off. I felt an episode approaching and I didn't want you to see me like ...this" they has been talking for an hour or two , Thirteen listening intently soaking up every detail only speaking if Yasmin looked like she was struggling , telling her to take her time. It had to be late by now, They had dinner at 8 (well thirteen's second dinner) and went into Yaz's room about about 9 so if The Doctor did her math correctly it would be about midnight. 

It was about 10:30 when Najia was going to go check on the girls but when she neared the door, she heard hushed chatter , catching the name Izzy Flint, before leaving again. knowing Yaz finally had someone she trusted enough to talk to about her problems, even if the name Izzy Flint still causes her Blood to boil - especially because she got away with it. She may not know how Yasmin and The Doctor met yet but It didn't matter too much anymore as Yasmin trusted her so much and it was clear the Doctor cared for her daughter very much so. It was clear to everyone but them that they both saw each other as more then friends. 

"You know.." Thirteen finally spoke up "You Are Perfect as you are, I wouldn't change you for the world, better yet the universe. don't let it frustrate you if you don't fit into the boxes Human society creates. " The blonde smiled. "Also if it helps, we can keep some of you medication on the TARDIS. even some in my pockets when we are out on adventures? I will always have pockets ready to help" Thirteen chuckled at her own comment. Yaz let out a small chuckle and nodded wrapping her arms around the blonde's waist. 

'what did i ever do to deserve someone as brilliant as the Doctor?' Yaz silently questioned with a smile. 

The next Morning Najia went to check on the girls, to see if they we up and what they wanted for breakfast but when she pushed her door open slightly she saw then snuggled together, The Doctors arms wrapped around her daughter protectively. The sight warmed her heart and the smile on her daughters face filled her with relief as she hasn't seen anymore then a frown all week. Najia backed out of the door deciding to leave them be for a little longer.


End file.
